Episode 652: the one where I overreact to Nas's lack of originality because I expect every word emanating from him to be creative and brilliant.

The versatile, honey-stickin, wild golden child who's currently embroiled in messy divorce proceedings has a blog on on my future ex-non-sexual boyfriend Russell's site and decided to do an impression of a 4th grader reciting an essay called, "Why Dads Are Great" in Mrs. Taylor's class.

"Some are great role models with real academic achievements. Some are not. Some are no longer alive. Some fathers are locked up, but they are praying for their kids and hoping to be on the streets soon and be better dads 1 day.

We deserve the love!!! Becuz we don't even expect it, we do what we do regardless! With no signs of a reward for it. We put up with everything, standing true to what's real and letting life take its course protecting our household, our woman, our children, our family. Protecting and leading a nation. Shout out to my pops, a great man! Blessings to our granddads who came b4 us who laid the seeds and the foundation....I wish every dad takes a minute to look at what's he's done...just a minute...No need to glance too long.. Just smile."

For a minute there, when they said this essay was penned by an MC named Nas, I thought this essay was penned by that one dude they used to call Nasty Nas--Nasir Jones, Superhero from Queens, Wordsmith Extraordinaire. Because, really, I'm not so naive that I can be led to believe that the dude who wrote

when I was twelve, I went to hell for snuffin Jesus

and can paint scenes with his verb-ery like

on the corner, bettin Grants with the cee-lo champs
laughin at baseheads, tryin to sell some broken amps

is the same dude who writes in a super text-message-y-13-year-old-girl way ("b4," 'becuz") and presents us with the cliche-ridden composition above. "Some fathers are great role models, and some aren't." This has been today's edition of NO FUCKING WAY.

I refuse to believe it. Nas would not break my little language-nerd heart in such a blatant fashion. How could Nas be garbage?