Friday, July 10, 2009

White men are entertaining, 07/10/09

1. Blockhead writes a post that is so obvious and funny, I should have thought of it and yet I did not. I can't believe how I let myself down sometimes. Sigh.

- "I don't watch professional sports; all it is is overpaid athletes."

- "I don't even own a TV."

- "I'm a grown ass man."

- Saying you 'HATE' the drug you're addicted to...

If you're gonna be addicted to anything, have the decency to admit you love it. Revel in it, wear "I love heroin" shirts. I realize lots of addicts get so deep into it that doing the drug loses the high and it just becomes necessity. They hate that they do it and it runs their life, but quit blaming the innocent little drug. If you really hated it, you wouldn't have become addicted to it... It's like people who hate on a classic album even though they know every word to it because they've heard it so much. The only difference is, those people stop listening to said album and no there's no chemical dependency in Legend by your man Bob Marley or Bizarre Ride To The Pharcyde.

- "I Don't Masturbate."

- "Oh My GOSH."

2. "Nonthreatening, Goofy White Man Makes Weed-Smoking Acceptable."

LA Times:

"(The) Phelps-bong scandal seems to have been safely put to bed, and now that it has, it's worth asking, what have we learned? The consequences to Phelps -- actually, the lack of consequences -- suggest that something bigger than mere endorsement dollars is in play. It seems Phelps has moved the weed needle.

Yes, Kellogg declined to re-up with Phelps, but tellingly, other endorsement deals remained intact: Speedo, Omega, Subway and Mazda China. Subway didn't hesitate to stand by its man (though it did postpone the current ad campaign six months to let the agita die down). Mazda required Phelps to record a minute-long mea culpa directed at the people of China -- mortifying but harmless.

In other words, there were no serious consequences. To the extent that endorsement opportunities are a rough metric of how well someone in public life is liked, admired, respected, the bong-heard-round-the-world scandal might as well never have happened. With the benefit of hindsight, Kellogg execs might well be kicking themselves.

You could ascribe the missing fallout to Phelps' incredible personal magnetism (?? Negative)
or -- far more likely -- to the fact that advertisers saw little downside to being associated with bong-meister Phelps.

There was a Rice Krispies and Frosted Flakes boycott put in place in the family home of this writer right here when Kellogg's acted all bitchy and distanced themselves from Phelps after he got caught smoking. My parents were down for the cause; I was down for the cause. None of our dough went to Kellogg's, Inc.

And obviously I think it's lovely that there were no serious consequences for Mike, and that the "weed needle" has been moved in this culture of ours. But ninja please, let's not be naive about racial-y matters in present-day US of A. White Moms of America are all in hot, throbbing love with this large-eared Caucasoid who is a Good Role Model for Our Youth because he can move fast under water; however, here at HeightFiveSeven, we recognize that the politics of skin tone give Phelps a vast advantage over the 86 thousand NBA and NFL dudes who like the sensi and who happen to not have the good fortune of being Goofy White Dudes.

What I mean is, what if it had been Vince Carter who got caught? Paul Pierce? Terrell Owens? I'm 105 percent sure the same forgiveness given to Phelps would not have been given to, let's say, Allen Iverson--a dude whose personal magnetism far exceeds Phelps's, but whose Scary Black Man Quotient is also off the charts for White Moms of America who are Olympics-watchers and Kellogg's-buyers.

OK, back to bikinis and music nerdery! Sorry for the momentary serious commentary on the cultural zeitgeist at large. I won't make it a habit.

3. Lester Bangs speaks my language.

"Don’t ask me why I obsessively look to rock ’n’ roll bands for some kind of model for a better society. I guess it’s just that I glimpsed something beautiful in a flashbulb moment once, and perhaps mistaking it for prophecy have been seeking its fulfillment ever since."

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