Thing I Am Right About #2,491: Rappers with regular dude names are always terrible.

"Flowin like Christ when I speaks the gospel."

In this case, the gospel is that dudes whose names you can find in the phone book are always wack beyond belief. I am not incorrect about this.

The rule for this game was that the MC's name had to be a first and last--no Craig G or Mike D or Willie D, in other words.

Then I remembered Paul Barman, who got so many nerd points from me during so many moments on Paullelujah! ("I can rock the mic to 'Silence' by John Cage"). And then I remembered Keith Murray. And Erick Sermon. And Charlie Brown. And then I decided to pretend I hadn't remembered them because it ruins that thing called consistency we all strive for in a blog post.


Moving on.

Enjoy my creative use of synonyms for “wack” below!

Mike. Atrocious.

I still luv Swishahouse, though I will still deny this in public if asked.

Charles. Dreadful.

(MC Lyte's cousin? How come nobody told me this earlier? What if this had come up on Hip Hop Jeopardy? I would've gotten it wrong and that would've been on YOU, smart guy)

Jim. Horrendous.

Joe. Appalling.

Lloyd. Tragic.

UGH.

I am now too traumatized to wrap this up in a coherent way. Bye bye.