Monday, August 10, 2009

My behavior is hereditary/But my technique is very necessary

I'm especially obnoxious on Sundays during the months of September through January.
Please accept my apology in advance.

I get loose in the summer, winter, spring, and autumn.- Dr. Dre

So do I, but I especially get loose in the autumn. (Also, I don't smoke weed or sess.)

Anyway, my point is that the leaves change, the kids go back to school, and
Fantasy Football returns! Draft on 8/27!

My rankings will destroy and/or ether all other rankings!
There's no or fessin or guessin when I'm expressin myself!

The decision-making process (selections above right) should be strictly business like EPMD, but my girly emotions come into play. This results in some really fun, illogical, In Real Life-influenced reasoning, like

Drew Brees thinks Gitmo is like the fucking Marriott. No Drew.

LaDainian Tomlinson allows himself to be called "LT" by people like Al Michaels and all the Charger fans at the bar. I am here to inform you all that there is, in fact, already an LT. There's already one. He enjoys eating the tibia and fibula of quarterbacks for dinner and he wears an earring that I always thought was a lightning bolt. It turns out it's an LT, however. Makes sense, I guess. No Tomlinson.

I like TO because I'm ridiculous but those assistants on that show of his annoy me. No TO.

I should take Reggie Wayne. And I should try to get Brian Westbrook. We'll see. (Those 2 bore me for some reason.) I am unnaturally obsessed with getting Frank Gore, I'm certain that getting Pittsburgh's defense will make my life complete, and I had Michael Turner last year and he got me 7 billion points. I will be cordially asking him back to the team this year.

Today's lesson is
Please do not assume the skinny, quiet girl in line behind you at TJ's isn't an enthusiastic/delightful/annoying Fantasy Football dork.

PS - T-Pain's Dolphins fight song sounds exactly like you think it would.



danps said...

Tomlinson is not the best Charger anyway. That would be the tight end from Kent State whom I watched lead the Golden Flashes to the Big Dance (in person) and to the Elite Eight (on TV), thereby causing an outburst of NE Ohio pride the likes of which have only recently been matched when caused by the heroics of a certain Akron product.

danps said...

One more item: Possible flyer for your roster - Browns rookie RB James Davis. Might want to keep an eye on him. I'm hearing good things.