No Fucking Way: NFL, poor people, and ladies' fashions edition

1. It is not good for a woman's foot to be in heels, says science (via the LA Times). It causes pain later in life and is just generally something a woman shouldn't put herself through.

OHGOD why didn't somebody tell me this sooner. It's bad for my foot to be frozen at an ungodly 45-degree incline and for my whole 120 lbs to be carried by the ball of my foot and my 5 dainty toes so that my posture is thrown out of wack and my booty protrudes in a sexy fashion? 'The fuck out!

Science, you treat me like I'm a dummy and I don't like it.

On a positive note, have you seen girly legs/bottoms in heels? OF COURSE YOU HAVE, at the cluuuuhb. SWEET LORD, it'll cause you pain! In your crotch area! But in a good way! You go with your boys and style/profile, ass-watch, and probably assign numerical value to each lady who walks by. Dude, I listen to Howard Stern and I've seen The Man Show. Do not front, please.

Sweden's finest furniture, plus me showing the business section who's boss while fully killing 'em (by myself, in apt. 302) via foot-destroyers.

Balance is not a problem for me (it's 'cause of my extra on-point inner-ear game, sonnn) but being like 6 feet tall at the bar is so unpleasant for a shy girl such as myself who prefers to blend in, people-watch, and sing along with "Ask" in my head that I just wear "I'd rather be at home reading" all over my little face. See, dudes talk to me on the computer but not in real life and that's probably why. Shyness is nice, but listen, it can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to.

2. "Dementia risk vastly higher for former NFL players," or "Getting hit in your skull repeatedly by large men is not good for your poor soft brain and might cause your brain to stop working," says science (via the NY Times).

WHO CARES. I'm still ready for some football.

3. "Poor people even poorer, sicker during recession. Also, there are too many poor people and not enough health care" - Reuters, in its "Health News for You, Moron" section.

I believe I have already reported this information in my hard-hitting expose circa May '09, complete with a Supreme Clientele tie-in. Shut up and stop clogging up my Internet with useless things I already know, Reuters and other newsy organizations in my RSS feed.

The Cool Kids - "Shut Up," AKA "Swiff D channels Collipark in '05 channeling Pharrell in '97 channeling Rubin in '87."

mp3.



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