Thursday, September 10, 2009

Like/Don't Like, 09/10/09

I LIKE: old RapPages covers shot by B+.

Nov. '95

Sept. '95


Board game high jinks while drinking some malt liquor in my black wig and white bikini.
With my dude.
In 1970.

OH, and

hold on, what's this? Why, it's something I DON'T LIKE:

You, herb-ish Caucasoid Tumblrist posting a love letter to the tennis sweater,

while, just above it, posting some Biggie lyrics. Because plainly, you know, you are down as fuck and we all know it.

It looks like this on my computer screen and it's the juxtaposition that hurts my feelings:

Dear sir, You're not po-mo highbrow/lowbrow, country club to the strip club. You're lame and you're not a fashion-forward superfoxy beautiful MC from Atlanta. Therefore, you cannot pull this off. Therefore, stop it.

I'm the hardest person in the world to offend, most times; deviant sexual practices and sexist jokes* are pretty great. However, Andrew McCarthy here, misappropriating my precious, darling hip-hop in between posts celebrating his cashmere socks and ascot makes me shaky and feverish, it offends me so. Country club gear will not be dope until at least 100 more years, unless: you are a member of a group that has historically been/still is excluded by country clubs and you're donning the gear because you've got sparkling wit and tight irony-fu. This has been the latest edition of "Fashion rules from the girl who only wears jeans, dresses and bathing suits." You kind of need me, admit it.

(The irony of a middle-class/suburbs-reared Caucasoid lady blogger claiming hip-hop and needing to defend it from those who would besmirch it is not lost on me, by the way. But who made you the hiphop police? That's KRS-One, duh.)

Dudes who wave their cash around Will Not Be Seeing Me Naked, thank you. Ugh, it's so West Egg. One day I'll use his toothbrush to clean the toilet. I swear to god I hope we definitely do NOT fuckin die together.

Clipse - "Dirty Money"


*Why do brides wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and fridge.




danps said...

Your "hard to offend" comment made me think of Came Up Roses by Spring Breakup. It has my favorite politically incorrect comment of the year. Also contains reference to the worst song ever. I throw down the gauntlet on your music dork cred: Which is it? Silence is not an option.

2 Herohill links in a row is coincidence. I am not on commission.

danps said...

Also: Tennis sweater captions = win.