Thursday, September 3, 2009

2 Greats: Noncommittal sexytimes

Sometimes, I have found, people just want ass.

("People" good girls such as myself, of course. Hi Mom!
People = Elliot Spitzer and Vince Neil)

Your problem is that you desire naked relations with people who you don't care to spend time with otherwise, and my solution is this: make your proposal sound like either of these 2 songs.

If/when you pull a skinny girl with a master's degree, hips, and a super vocabulary as a testament to how successful this technique is, you'll have me to thank.


I ain't got many friends left to talk to/No one's around when I'm in trouble, sings Dude in Band Whose Girlfriend (Josie) is Out of Town. Aw, he needs a friend! To talk to! OH, and I almost forgot, to see naked. And to not hang out with after that, ever. Also, I think "your love" might not be code for "your couch" or "your phone" like we always thought.

Anyway, give in to the delicious, dirty, guilty pleasure ear candy of the song (the drums coming in just after minute 1, yessss, please and thank you and may I have some more) and it'll teach you how to get a commitment-challenged special friendship. Initial steps include: Be able to come up with
a riff at the beginning like that, a melody like that, and be able to harmonize with your boys like that. Reverse the earth's rotation so that it's 1986 and your outfit and hair and "come home with me" game are the coolest. Voila: ass.


Funkadelic - "Hit It and Quit It"


Be Bernie Worrell. If you're going to heed one thing I have to say, if you're going to follow just one piece of my advice, make it that one. Also, play keys. Moog, specifically. Be in a band with George Clinton, Bootsy Collins, Bigfoot Brailey, Eddie Hazel. Have your synth loop be the backbone of "Mothership Connection" and "Flash Light" and basically therefore be directly responsible for the creation of Digital Underground and the musical tree known as Dr. Dre and all its associated branches. Do music things with Talking Heads, Mos Def, Les Claypool, and Prince Paul.

Some people say that this song's title is about nothing flesh-related; it's just George Clinton being cute. It's really about hitting drums and it's really about playing music, or perhaps moving one's body to music. UH, except that hitting drums = sex, playing music = sex, and moving one's body to music = sex. Every song is about sex. I mean, it is 1971 after all, let's not forget.


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