54 percent not getting any younger over here

Millions of Americans can just forget about the fucking bus ever showing up when it's fucking supposed to.

Everything Taking Too Long
March 24, 2009

"WASHINGTON—An overwhelming sense of restlessness and impatience engulfed the U.S. this week when citizens determined that everything—the morning commute, phone conversations, getting a table at Chili's, making coffee, commercial breaks, everything—was taking entirely too long.

"This is ridiculous," said Boston resident Joe Sosnoff, waiting for a subway train running behind schedule. "I don't have time for this. I seriously do not have time for this."

"You've got to be kidding me," San Francisco market researcher Tim Martin told reporters while waiting for ESPN.com to load on his desktop computer. "Come on."

People across the country were forced to put up with this maddeningly slow bullshit all week.

A CBS News/New York Times poll revealed Tuesday that Americans are split into three separate camps when it comes to the growing national frustration: Those who think everything is taking too long; those who think everything is taking too goddamn long; and a third fringe group that believes everything is taking fucking forever.

Further analysis revealed that 54 percent of respondents are not getting any younger over here. Nearly 10 percent don't understand what the big holdup is. And 23 percent are not only ready, but have been ready for the past half hour, so let's go already. While citizens said that a few things, such as lunch, dinner, and sleep, could afford to go on for much longer, everything else reportedly needs to get moving pronto as people have places to be."

- Link