Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The only warriorz I like are Billy and Fame. However...

War, according to Edwin Starr, isn't good for anything. Absolutely nothing, in fact. (
Groan. Sorry). Plus I know all the words to “Tragedy of War (In III Parts),” and I'm probably some kind of communist according to Glenn Beck if he and I were to ever meet. So I'm not feeling Veterans Day so much.

But see, Cash Money is an army. And
'04/'05 popular song is one of the finest things the world (AKA me) has ever known. So, because I am merely a pawn in the great A&R machine, I simply can't help but love the military motif here.

- Rich Harrison is the general, wielding basslines like hand grenades.

- Beyonce is the leader of the Pretty Girl Infantry and I hardly ever tire of looking at her unfairly gorgeous face even though, like the sun, it's kind of painful to stare at her head-on.

- Donning a short skirt and heels to prance around in front of dudes on a soundstage seems like the best thing I could possibly do with myself today. Video Girl in Oh-Five was, for me, this year's Halloween costume that Could Have Been.

- T.I. is a wee man, just tiny in real life (80% of rappers are, it's a fact), but his jaunty fitteds and unfairly gorgeous face are what my lack-of-self-esteem/alter-ego/rapper-groupie dreams are made of. All girls like T.I. Even girls who only like girls. Even your girl. She probably wants to do it with Blu, too. Accept it, my dude.

- Bandana tied/so mami, join my troop
is the most seductive line Dwayne Carter has ever uttered.

- O'Shea's scowl appearance makes all the hurt go away, makes the rain stop and the sun come out, almost makes up for Bey's cringe-y attempt to Crip walk at the end of the video. (Reign in your woman, Jay.)

- Good girls like dudes from Cali, NY, and Georgia who drive dark-colored vehicles, who find good girls fetching, and who may or may not push weight. My umm...
friend told me so.

And please note: I'll be needing a Doberman puppy from you soon.

(Thanks for humoring me with this one! There should have been a disclaimer at the beginning--You probably need to own lady parts in order to enjoy this song--but I'm secretly or not-so-secretly a 15-year-old girl listening to Power 106 in '05 and dying inside every time I'm buying jeans at Forever 21 and this comes on. EAR CANDY to the nth.)

PS: Less guilty pleasure (not as much pleasure as the one above--sorry, Stevie--but not as much guilt, either):

. . .


1 comment:

Micah James said...

emphatically yes! @ stevie jam. "through worlds of pain, i'm for you."