Thursday, November 12, 2009

YouTube understands me in a way you never will.

Per my boyfriend YouTube (the only thing on the Internet that really listens to me and really understands my wants and needs), I am doper when trolling for online content than I am in real life. YouTube's suggestions for me prove it.

Lookie here. YouTube purports that I am a '70s genius/self-destructive comedy lover, a Zev Love X dork, a '90s Afrocentric medallion-wearer who is protected by the red, the black, and the green, plus I drive a Camaro and sometimes do a teeny bit of coke with my long-haired Caucasoid funkster friends*:

Also, says YouTube: I like pretty ladies (Christina Hendricks, Sarah Shahi; SWOON), I'm a 17 year old dude from Queens in 1990, a 17 year old dude from Queens in 1997, plus I'm a breaks dork (Harold Melvin, The Dramatics, Caldwell!, Curtis):

I'm still a 17 year old dude from Queens, in love with Black Moon, but goddammit YouTube: it's '93, not '03! 2 songs from Total Eclipse, and nothing from Enta da Stage? Points deducted. It's nice to know that I'm still a '70s R&B breaks dork (Harold Melvin, again. Curtis, again. Plus Brass Construction), and oooh, I like Big Shug, slightly obscure Gangstarr associate! YouTube, you've redeemed yourself for the Black Moon error:

YouTube knows I like some pretty ladies, so now, says YouTube, I'm a lesbian. YouTube wants a threesome, I do believe. It knows I'm a '70s soul nerd (again), a lovesick girl listening to Art Laboe and Wishing on a Star, and wants me to give Main Ingredient's version of “I'm So Proud” a shot, even though The Impressions' version is the be-all, end-all.” You're reaching here, YouTube:

I'm a Wild Pitch dork, a Monch fanatic, a RZA fanatic, a Rick the Ruu-ler fanatic. YouTube spent about 3 seconds on my blog, then took the easy way out here. I do like the inclusion of a Juice soundtrack banger, though. YouTube also knows that when I cook beef/the smoke'll never clear:

* Tried to find the mp3 of this; couldn't. Still friends?


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