Friday, December 18, 2009

Corey Woods, you are my density. Uh, destiny.

I’m supposed to be in a long-term relationship with a funny asshole with a great music collection, either Jack Black in High Fidelity or Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs*. SORRY MOM.

FunnyAsshole has yet to approach me, however, because we all know that Dudes Talk to Me on the Internets but Not in Real Life. So I'm hedging my bets by continuing to pursue Rae, whom I have not been able to quit since '93 (and who no doubt also has a great music collection, yay).

I missed his show on Wednesday night, because it was in NYC and I am not. Turns out the performance was “the one where Rae makes Logan fall in love with him all over again with a steezy '93 vengeance.”

Highlights included

- A huge cake shaped like the Purple Tape!

'The fuck?,
!!!!!!!, etc.

- An hour and a damn half of songs comin fast, Wu and solo songs, without the fancy tricks of stagecraft or pacing. No tricks, no tricks baby! HATE TRICKS. Enough tricks. Thanks, Rae.

“The set went back to early tracks by his old collective, the Wu-Tang Clan, touched on Cuban Linx Part 1 and settled in for stretches of the new album, including the scabrous, seedy ‘Gihad’ and the imagistic, violent ‘Surgical Gloves.’”

Gihad,’ by the way, still needs to be stripped of its vocals and lovingly placed into my vinyl collection. OH SANTA, spoil me whydontyou.

- Appearance by Cherry Jones!, who receives epic human status for giving life to one Russell Jones.

“She and Raekwon hugged, without speaking, for nearly a minute. Raekwon praised Dirty and his mother and then performed ‘Ason Jones,’ a tribute to Dirty on the new CD, with some emotional difficulty, his movements creaky, as if he needed oil. (He stopped the song at one point, shaking his head in sorrow, swearing and then collecting himself.)”

[Round here we say cussing and then collecting himself, but the feeling inherent in the description above transcends regional dialect barriers. Also, “his movements creaky, as if he needed oil?” Love this. Rae as the Tin Man. Rap-show reviewers, more of this please.]

- Appearance by CNN! Nore's large and in charge, both physically due to the body's natural weight gain that comes with age, as well as lyrically because he entertains on the mic like it's still '96.

- Raekwon slumped against the opposite wall, looking humble, grateful and worn out. This, a description of our hero while Busta appeared on stage and then went on and on with praise about him. Love it. So evocative, can't you just see it? Rae as Jimmy Conway, fatigued by life, hair turned gray and sporting a tracksuit at the end of Goodfellas.

I'm just a girl who hopes with a '93 vengeance that Rae and I will end up together, doing the NYT crossword on Sundays and bickering adorably about which NFL game to watch (our NFL Sunday Ticket hasn't been set up yet). He and I can surmount geographic separation but there's still the matter of him looking for ass on the side. I wanna love him...but WHAT IF he hurts me?

. . .

* I have no proof; I can just feel in my heart that he does.


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