“I don't know how to start this shit” - Nasir Jones.

There is no try; there is only do. And sometimes, let's face it, there isn't even do. While I've been sitting around at work thinking of puns for the tragic misuse of apostrophe on the '10 Rock the Bells flyer*, my buddies at NPR got to this idea months before it would've hit me: What's the best opening track on an album?

This is a game that's impossible to win, but damn fun to play. (I mean, Thriller. Good morning.)

Other than Mike & Quincy's contribution, here are the ones for which I have a particular spot that is soft. This list is restricted to what's come into my head in the last 15 minutes as I look across the room at my record collection. I'll really put my back into it next time.


• Liquid Swords! 131 headless lords into the shogun was scared into FLASH EM BACK. This is a rare moment in which I don't deduct creativity points for rhyming "cocaine" and "insane." Enjoy it, Gary.


• “Good morn or evening, friends,” the first words on Songs in the Key of Life. Love you, friendly announcer who guides me in all things.


• “Uptown Anthem” to open Juice. Nothing to say here, other than PIANO and OH MY GOD and I'm speechless (but my spot is extra soft!).


• Every Beastie Boys album up to and including ’94.


• Jaylib, “LA to Detroit,” (LOUDER) into “McNasty Filth.” On Amazon this album has received an average of 4 out of 5 possible stars. This is the primary evidence I cite as to why you're supposed to support your local brick-and-mortar book-selling establishment.





• “Gimme Shelter” to open Let It Bleed. Oh, children.


• “In Time” to start Sly and the Family Stone’s Fresh but really only because it leads into “If You Want Me to Stay.”


• “Two of Us” to open Let It Be. When I was little it reminded me of riding on a horse, that rhythm. We're on our way home. Also: Spector.


• “Hold On, Be Strong,” into “Return of the G” to open Aquemini. Peaches are delicious and juicy.


• the train clacking over tracks and “Stop fuckin around and be a man” at the start of Illmatic. Bullshit on the radio, amber bock, even without a record contract, leading into the “fuckin dungeons” line and Nas' vulnerable moment as quoted in the title of this post.


• “Mommy, what’s a funkadelic?” Funkadelic's first album, but all the ones on Westbound could get a spot here. I recommend you not ask your mom; just send me an email.







• Nation of Millions. “London, England: consider yourself…warned.”


• Marvin, “I Want You.” The feeling is mutual, Marv.


• Since you’re my special friend... “Bad Touch Example,” obviously. Have we just met?
PS, people on the Internet constantly trying to out-CoFlow me: stop that.


• “Call my name,” Joe Bataan, to open up the album of the same name as well as to open up the whole season of Summertime. There probably should be some De La and a Prince album or two on here as well, but c'mon. This was just the Looking Around My Apartment list and I can't be held responsible for missing the obscurities and obvious ones that somehow didn't come into my head.







* “STOP. Grammar time.”






























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