Jay-Z: “On Second Thought, I Like Orlando More”
[The Onion]
ORLANDO, FL—Though known for his personal homages to New York City in songs such as "Brooklyn's Finest" and "Empire State of Mind," hip-hop icon Jay-Z announced Monday that, upon closer reflection, he actually prefers the Greater Orlando area to the Big Apple.
"New York is gritty and real and helped shape both my music and my life, but Orlando—Orlando has it all," said the 40-year-old recording artist. "Plenty of shops, amazing restaurants, and you're only minutes away from Universal Studios. Plus, Orlando is just a really great place to raise a family."
Jay-Z went on to declare that if you could make it in Kissimmee–St. Cloud, you could probably make it anywhere.
Remember when Jay used to fund ladies' whole lifestyles while being so boastful about how he's not the one? OH HOV! All us ladies were laughing at you behind your back, darling. If I have to trade ladyparts in order to get you to pay my rent and light up my wrist? Dude. I still win.
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