James | David | O'Shea | Boys | Vendys

1. When I'm in line at Coffee Bean and I see on the TV behind the cashier that Mexico's 'King of Heroin' has been caught and the first thing that comes into my head is "King Heroin" by James Joseph Brown, my father would say his job raising me has been a success.
(Other than the part about me buying corporate coffee. Sorry, Pop.)



Photo above selected due to the fact that the I'm financed in China, ran in Japan/I'm respected in Turkey and I'm legal in Siam part in this song is oddly exactly like something Ali would've said into a microphone in 1966!

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2.

9th Wonder producing David Banner sounds like something that came to me in a dream last night, or maybe while daydreaming in line at Coffee Bean, but my computer tells me IT'S TRUUUUE. I predict with great confidence that this will be my favorite album of 2010, and then my favorite of 2013 (I'll shelve it, then find it when I'm flipping through a record crate, and put it on the platter for another month straight). Like what happened with me and "Cadillac on 22s" in '03 and '07, remember?






3.

"They can't make a name for themselves so they need help from the O.G.'s. I refuse to throw 'em a life line. Fuck 'em. It ain't my job to make nobody famous."


"I was sick of babysitting grown ass men and walking them through the industry. I felt like Dr. Frankenstein building uncontrollable monsters. How? If you DON'T make 'em a star, they blame you. If you DO make 'em a star, they leave you. I got sick of that ungrateful shit."

Ice Cube, for your information, is not a mentor or a helper or a babysitter or even a nice dude if you're an LA rapper on the come up. Sowwy. He feels no responsibility to help boost local MCs. I love this story because obviously I prefer my rappers baggy-pants-clad, distant, and pissed-off, thankyouverymuch, but also because it's Ice Cube. Ice Cube is untouchable. He likes the Raiders, he's friends with Hank Shocklee, he'll never ever pop up in a Justin Bieber video (LUDA!). I mean, outside of his film career, there are no credible jabs one can throw. I'm a nice girl and I want everyone to get along but everyone getting along reaches boring levels quite rapidly. There's just something so delicious and fun about a talented grumpy old dude yelling at the kids to get off his lawn, especially since I'm on the old dude's side in this case. Also, I just really, really like a classic, well-placed "Fuck 'em." More, please.






4. Men take more risks when pretty girls are around, says science. This is true, like when rappers talk about being the coolest shit and putting their Gretzky on; it's a risk-taking venture, because girls don't like dudes who brag about themselves and even fewer girls like hockey. Think it through next time, Lloyd. And yes, I am choosing to interpret this line as actual hockey gear since "Gretzky" is simply too stupid of a word for "diamonds" for me to acknowledge.

If your weakness is lady bloggers with hips and a slight case of social anxiety disorder, I suggest going NBA or maybe Division I? I like an old Carmelo Syracuse jersey myself, but if you're going more modern and you're near the greater LA area, Artest is always nice. I mean, really, anything but LeBron.









5. Something called the Vendy Awards are coming to LA in May to judge and honor the best street food. You'll be able to vote online, a final cook-off winner will be decided based on "flavor, portability and personality," and a big bash where you can taste wares from all the entrants will be held at MacArthur Park--where you can also get a Social Security number and something powdery from Asia that might be cut with Fentanyl (careful). I'm just saying, it's a good place to get one's various needs met.

Cue my eye-roll when I hear that this event costs $50 (!), except for the fact that "the Vendys are linked to the Asociacion de Loncheros, the grassroots organization that stands up for the rights of neighborhood taco trucks, rather than the SoCal Mobile Food Vendors Association, which reps trendy new trucks." Plus the Vendy Awards are the culminating event of the first national street vending conference, "Contesting the Streets: Vending, Open-Air Markets, and Public Space," that runs through the weekend at UCLA. That $50 gets you all-you-can-eat street food, with proceeds going to the Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles and the UCLA Downtown Labor Center. I'll wear my yellow dress, you throw on that pretty orange Carmelo jersey. It's a date.





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