Cool Calm Pete - "Heart"

Let the warm, sweet light of Queens hiphop into your life.

Linden Boulevard, represent
repre
-sent
-sent.






"that perfect someone, she broke your concentration..."


PS - It's Nina Simone's "Peace of Mind." And I need it, on a circular piece of vinyl, in order to continue living.

Let me tell you the story of "Right Hand, Left Hand"

"WE LOVE ROLL CALL, Y'ALL! Boogie Down Productions, Rob Base, Dana Dane, Marley Marl, OlaTunji, Chuck D, Ray Charles, EPMD, EU, Alberta Hunter, Run DMC, Stetsasonic, Sugar Bear, John Coltrane, Big Daddy Kane..."

The ice cube scene.
The d-bag in the Bird jersey.
Clemens vs. Gooden.
Michael JOR-DANN. (and the epic ironic comedy of a dude named Giancarlo Esposito throwin shade at all the Eyetalians in Bed-Stuy)
Left hand Hate KO'd by Love.
D, motherfucker, D.

Oh, and fuck you, fuck your fuckin' pizza, and fuck Frank Sinatra.

Extra cheese is $2 at Sal's Famous.

LOL, John Turturro:

"Spike Lee: There were crack houses in the neighborhood (we were filming in). The NYPD was not thought of that highly in most black communities, especially Bedford-Stuyvesant, so we got [Minister Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam's security force] the Fruit of Islam to watch the set.

Ernest Dickerson, cinematographer: It became the safest block in Brooklyn!

Richard Edson [Vito]: I tried to get through to the Fruit of Islam guys. It was kind of a challenge because I knew they had very strong racial feelings. So every morning, I would say hello and try to engage them. I don't think they ever even acknowledged me. I finally gave up after about four weeks.

Giancarlo Esposito [Buggin Out]: Those guys were hard-core. They just didn't like or hang out with white people.

Turturro [Pino]: They talked to me all the time. They called me Brother John. I guess Richard is not as black as I am."


and because it's been a few days without a President Dreamboat reference:


"Lee: There was a benefit for Barack Obama on Martha's Vineyard when he was running for the Senate. I didn't really know who he was. He came over and said, "You're responsible for me and my wife getting together." Then he told me how they saw "Do the Right Thing" on their first date, and then went to Baskin-Robbins for ice cream and talked about it.

Roger Guenveur Smith [Smiley]: We're actually responsible for a whole new era in American political achievement.

Lee: I think [Barack] is a very smart man, because if he had taken Michelle to see "Driving Miss Daisy," things would have turned out a whole lot different."

"Do The Right Thing" Turns 20

Sunday morning (yayo & Members Only jackets edition)*

We all know how life is not worth living without my precious coke raps.
However, a lesser-known fact about me is that I love coke rock as well.

"This song is about what happens to you when you take too much white powder" - Pete Townsend. Press play and let it build--don't skip ahead, dummy, you gotta stay with it for the whole super duper long instrumental intro. It's the sonic version of being chased by Crockett & Tubbs, trying not to drop your Ray-Bans while you're running cuz they cost like fifty bucks and that's a lot of money in 1985.


* also file under "Basslines That Make Me Wanna Take My Pants Off"


If you were in the car next to us at Coachella '02 when we had Uneasy Listening on in the CD player and I heard this song come on, that was me exploding with delight in the passenger seat and I'm sorry if I scared you with my unbridled emotions. (Also, wasn't Z-Trip ah-mayy-zing?? "Bombs Over Baghdad" x "Sober," STOP IT in the name of aural fornication and all that is good and holy.)

Additional apologies go out to you, anonymous record store shopper in Ventura circa 2005. See, what happened was I found It's Hard on vinyl, so....yeah, sorry. That was me who freaked out slightly when I pulled it from the bin at Grady's.

Research tells me that Townshend wrote this about self-indulgent, numbed-out coke fiends of the '80s; they're at a party hiding behind a facade--their "eminence front," if you will.
It's a put on/it's a put on/it's a put onnn.

Years later, the children of these people will have all congregated in Los Angeles, I swear to Jesus, in order to introduce themselves to me 9 times in the same night at Teddy's in '07, propose bathroom stall activities in an unsexy fashion, and inspire 58 Clipse songs. Wamp wamp.

Back in '83 I was an MC sparking*: Stuart Scott, stop it

Stuart Scott decided to kill my soul at *halftime during today's game and ask LeBron (that's "The Bron" in French, you guys) what he was thinking when he attempted Le Shot last night and beat Le Buzzer.


Stuart Scott, the key points I would like to address with you are
what the hell is your problem,
that's a cliche,
that's dumb,
and
please don't do that.

OH, and what The Bron was thinking was JesusfuckingchristpleasepleasepleasePLEASEohhgodpleeeease when the ball left his fingertips. You can't even cuss on basic cable, though, so your question is rendered even more useless than previously thought, Stu.

A more interesting discussion would have centered around Chris Andersen's hair/substance abuse/tattoo game and how it is the tightest in all the land. "Honky Tonk" across the stomach, drivin all the ladies wild.

And when they bang this in the club baby you got to get up

'Cause my last time on Earth I lived a whole world of sin*

Stevie = summertime.

(I have no shirt with the "Master Blaster" lyrics on it. Yet.)

obvs my tribute to the mighty 1980 LAKESHOWWW:























* negative. A little more sinning would probably do me some good, actually.

I can do all things through LeBron which strengthens me.

Last night I screamed in amazement when The Event occurred and it scared Gabrielle's dog Henry. She was not pleased. Sorry, Henry and Gab.
But Jesus Christ.





Now, in keeping with our Ohio theme, we must post another one in our "Rappers From Cleveland Who Joined Forces With Rick Rock and Murdered The Flow/Bassline/Subject Matter Game in '06" series.

Let me walk you through it:

1. UGK mention, Pimp C appearance, Bun B appearance!
2. White girl mention that passed radio censors because the FCC doesn't know slang terms, in the same sentence as the UGK mention ("and since I'm movin my yay...")
3. Lack of redeeming social value
4. SCARFACE
5. Scarface quoting NWA
6. Scarface quoting PE
7. KRS reference
8. Scantily-clad girl without fake body parts, as far as I can tell. Refreshing.
9. Bassline
10. Devin the Dude mention, Devin the Dude at the car wash
11. Delivery






(this whole post has really just provided an excuse for me to post this song; thanks for indulging me, dear readers!)

Baby Malik. Baby Amir.

Kamal is extra extra irritating in this clip. You have been warned.

Rahzel, on the other hand, is not irritating in the slightest.

"Black Thought, South Philly lyricist."

"This is Brother Question (tee hee!) on the drums."

OMG, these dudes had no idea 14 years ago(!) that their freshness would be at such a high level that their song would provide the name for a web log filled with girly, nerdy, bikini-clad goodness.





Plus you get a little bonus ODB mention!

Russell Simmons and I are totally dating*

* pending

Russ decided to put his most recent mid-life crisis on display for us all and start dating a young, rather plain-looking model-y Caucasoid type (sorry Julie, your waist-to-hip ratio is the business:
but that's the only thing you're bringing to the Sexy Table, mama.) I hear she loves his lisp, and they talk about the Dalai Lama and meditate together before they hop in the towncar and go to dinner at Cipriani. Ah, Buddhism.

She has this unfortunate little habit of talking about racial-y kinds of stuff in public forums and not sounding particularly bright. That is not cute. I have a lot of opinions and I think I'm semi-bright, but even I know not to pull that move. OH JULIE.

The fact that he seems to find her alluring is great news for me, since evidently he likes the long-haired, skinny, not-all-that-beautiful, bikini-wearin' type; it's a little thing we call the power of the WHR. Listen, the point is, Russ is totally about to fall in LUV with me (as soon as we meet) and you all are going to bear witness.

Russ and I will hang out, we'll discuss important music history matters, I'll meet THE BAWSS Rick Rubin, not so I can do naked activities with Rick Rubin like some kinda dirty groupie but so I can ask Rick Rubin a plethora of questions about label politics and industry rule #4080, Lyor Cohen and Adrock and that time Russ bailed out Slick Rick for $800k, and the making of Raising Hell. Then Russ will discover I'm not going to do sexytime stuff with him and he will ask me to see myself out. He and I might try to be friends after that, even though we know it's impossible. The end.





.
.

Esser tells it.

"I was looking for a job/and then I found a job..."
Oh wait, wrong dude. I'm thinking of the one he bit his whole style from.

Esser is annoying and British and wrote a song called "I Love You," which is super non-epic and annoying except for the fact that it contains the line

"Love is no excuse for bad art."

I am Logan and I have approved this message.

OH MOZ. Ask me, I won't say no, howwww could IIIIIIII

Happy 50th, you joyless, grouchy, beautiful wanker.


I'm taking you out for cheeseburgers after work today to thank you for providing the soundtrack for my life, oh and also for the lives of 17,000 fixed-gear and PBR fiends in metropolitan areas throughout the United States,
because
if it's not love, then it's
the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb that will bring us together.
(PS - I keep mine hidden, too.)


I know you didn't really mean it when you said this about the rap music:

“I really do think it's a great musical stench. I find it very offensive, artless and styleless. To me it's very reminiscent of thuggery, pop thuggery. I don't want to hear it at all."
(pop thuggery is our new catch phrase, you guys)

And I know you really meant it when you said this about how you and I have experienced life in much the same way thus far:

“I lost myself to music at a very early age, and I remained there.”



If this does not make you smile and be happy for things like summertime and music and life, then I'm afraid I can never, ever allow you to see me naked.


Plus, you captured my little American girl heart when you said this:
“I am capable of looking on the bright side - I just don’t do it very often.”

And this:
“Nothing is important, so people, realising that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race around the supermarket and steal Mars bars and kiss kittens.”

I fancy you, Steven Patrick.

My '90s-ness has not subsided in the least: The Beatnuts feat. Grand Puba - "Are You Ready?"

a) Next time you have a party I wish with all of my heart that you would put this on. Street Level as the soundtrack for your Memorial Day BBQ would make the ladies happy, best believe.
(welllll...this lady, at least.)

b) I, too, am a beat nut so I should get honorary membership in this here rap group.

c) The Mighty V.I.C., your bassline selection talents are a thing of beauty.

d) I like an MC that tells me how well-endowed he is right off the bat. Thanks, Les.

King Most. Jesus monsters (yet again). Hasselbeck still dumb, shrill, ridiculous.

1. King Most is the Comedian of the Day. Sorry, runners-up; get your LOL game tighter next time.

a) LOLz. C'mon, this is rather comical:

Get 'em! It's just such a random thing to post and I love it.
And, by the way, I agree wholeheartedly. He does seem like a nice guy! Good call, King Most! In other news, this has given me an opportunity to step back and really see how tomboyish my freaking Twitter is. PB Wolf, Mighty Ray, HUF, Jansport J, what the hell??
This just in, for the 137th time: I'm ridiculous.

b) Leonardo, Donatello, Rafael, Michelangelo...

Again, something I can co-sign. ('cept his name is "Nightclubber Lang," which my research tells me is an homage to a certain Rocky villain-? Dudes who have seen Rocky, help me out by confirming or denying, please)


2. These people again, who will just not stop assaulting me with their Christ-y haterism. Again, they have taken it upon themselves to remind us that Jesus only approves of marriages between a human with a penis and a human with a vagina. Jesus is very busy concerning himself with these matters. Thanks, unintentionally hilariously and ironically named "Nat'l Organization for Marriage"!

That one kid is right--God should've made Anna and Eve, not Adam and Eve. Lesbatronic moments make life worth living.



3. I haven't liked Jesse Ventura this much since he took down Jerry "The King" Lawler in that epic match.

Baby Nasir.

"Is there anybody that you'd like to work with?"

"Yeah, I wanna work with ummmm...
I wanna work with The Beatles."




"and of course my physical, AZ here..."

Suckers - "Easy Chairs" + The Decemberists - "The Rake's Song": Where are my keys?

We all know that nothing, nothing, will never ever ever EVERRR replace "And if a double-decker busssss...crrrrraaaashes into usssss/To die by your siiiiide/is such a heavenly way to diiiiiie" as the ultimate bro chorus when you're with your bros, bro-ing down at the Short Stop (circa '07; too many Ash Roth types there now).

However, "Riiiight onnnn/whooooaaaaoooohh"*
and
"all right/all right/allll riiiiiight"**
are pretty easy to remember and sing along with after 8 Tecates. (1 and a half Tecates in my case). Oh, and yeah I am a girl but I can take part in a bro chorus, duh.

Listen to these songs, in entirety, preferably in headphones cuz you know that's how I do things. They're like auditory whiskey at the bar--I can see you now, holding your plastic cup, wondering where your keys are (in your pocket, sweetheart), and being all like "You think you're better than me?!" to that dude who glanced at you on his way to the bathroom. Your belligerence is charming, tiger. Enjoy.


*





Additionally, The Decemberists are fucking annoying and I love them
(but pretty much only this song at this very moment in time).
They have these super trite lyrics in what's supposed to be a concept album but it's all just so tired and lame.
I'm sorry, but does this picture not fill you with rage?

The suits, the umbrella with hang-y stuff, and most of all that bowler hat. WHAT THE HALE is your problem, PORTLAND. Cease & desist immediately.
In conclusion, this song and its melodies make life worth living. Enjoy.

**



Postscript--Los Esmiths
Once upon a time (Oct. '08) this here web log writer was taken to a little Mexican dive bar up the street from The Echo after Wonderfull. The place was full of dudes with mustaches and cowboy hats and boots, with a smattering of wacky intoxicated kids like us thrown in. THIS CAME ON THE JUKEBOX you guys, and I freaked the fuck out slightly, and THEN, when the chorus hit, we all sang along even though we were singing in 2 different languages, and I swear to god it was heaven--beer, free tacos, and me in a tight white tank top, and all of us crazy humans singing our hearts out in the middle of the night in a sea of drunken Smiths-ness. Precious, beautiful Los Angeles, you're crazy and I love you.

Swoon.

Helima & Chet Baker by William Claxton.

Put your hands where my eyes could see

How bout a post on the relationship between gestures and abstract mental processes for a Wednesday morning, hmm? OMG, you guys fall deeper in love with me with each passing day.

New research says that talking with your hands as you speak not only helps you get your point across to the people you're talking to, it can help you (the speaker) think more clearly. For example, students who gestured while discussing math problems were better at learning how to solve the problems:








May 19, 2009
With a wave of the hand:
How using gestures can make you smarter



I also wanted to post "The LA," "The A," and "The Slayer/Metallica/Dio/Black Sabbath," but I managed to rein myself in.


"The drive to gesture when speaking is fundamental to human nature.
But might gesture also serve another purpose? Many scientists now think that gestures can help the person making them -- that moving your hands can help you think. Researchers have become increasingly interested in the connection between the body and thought – in the ways that our physical body shapes abstract mental processes. Gesture is at the center of this discussion.

To understand the research, consider a math problem like 3+2 +8 =___+8. A student might make a “v” shape under the 2 and 3 with their pointer finger and middle finger, as they try to understand the concept of “grouping” – adding adjacent numbers together, a technique that can be used to solve the problem. Previous research has shown that students who are asked to gesture while talking about math problems are better at learning how to do them. This is true whether the students are told what gestures to make, or whether the gestures are spontaneous.

Now researchers are asking how. The new study...focused on third and fourth graders solving a problem that required grouping. Students who are coached to make the “v” gesture when solving a math problem like 3+2+8 = ___+8 learn how to solve the problem better. But students also do a better job even if they were coached to make the “v” shape under the wrong pair of numbers. The very act of making the “v” shape introduces the concept of “grouping” to the student, through the body itself.

The same process could occur in any situation where the person who is speaking and gesturing is also trying to understand – be it remembering details of a past event, or figuring out how to put together an Ikea shelf."

- Link

señor x

He's from Spain. He probably likes soccer. I mean football.
Oh, and he's been inhaling coke all day.

Batman y Robin.

Pablo!

OK, attention please, probably the greatest Alf & Bukowski piece you'll see this week. Probably.
Alf's saying he prefers Ken Follett, and Bukowski's like, "Get out." (But what the hell-? Is he drinking Beck's?)

- Link

"Don't go to work; listen to Slayer"

"Group Wants to Make National Day of Slayer an Official U.S. Holiday"

"Brett Stevens, a member of the International Day of Slayer Task Forces, said 'Heavy metal music is the central belief of a culture that exists among us, and Slayer is the perfect spokesperson. We are a pluralistic nation composed of many cultures, some of which you're born into and some you choose. For many of us, metal becomes the only culture that makes sense to us, and it's only fair we get representation.'

Included in the package (with the petition) sent to Barack Obama was a copy of Reign in Blood. According to the organization, this is probably the first time that a Slayer album has made it into the White House. (Um, hello--Rutherford B. Hayes, anyone?)

The proclamation (LOL, I'm dying):

WHEREAS, Hessians are a legitimate elective culture that should be recognized with their own national day of celebration and

WHEREAS, Slayer is freaking awesome and one of the most influential metal bands in history and

WHEREAS, The theme of the National Day of Slayer is "Don't go to work, listen to Slayer," which reflects the imminent importance of Slayer in the lives of Hessians across America and

NOW, THEREFORE I, Barack Obama, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, hereby proclaim the day of June 6, 2009, as National Day of Slayer, saluting the valuable artistic contributions of the band Slayer and the legitimacy of the hessian culture that supports them. And I call upon all Americans to listen to Slayer on this day and every day hereafter."

- Link

The Prez liked "Angel of Death" and "Altar of Sacrifice" but felt that the rest of the album was sub-par, with lyrics that could have used more variety in subject matter and some better chord progression.
He did like Rubin's production, however.

Fabio Musta feat. JERU! - "Open Up Their Eyes"

Some Italian music-producing human named Fabio Musta has put together my next favorite Hot Guest Appearance album. (Sorry, Jake One! You had a good run, babycakes). The song is a bit melancholy but it sounds nice, plus, hello, rap music that uses KRS voice snippets on the hook will always win a spot on this here web log; have we just met?

OH JERUUU, my favorite university professor masquerading as an MC with a sick flow, I've missed you! I always feel like I should go vegetarian and cover my ass in more than a bathing suit whenever I listen to you. "Put some clothes on that ass if you respect yourself," he tells me.
Luckily, I quickly get over this and move on to some Mannie Fresh- and Polow da Don-produced stuff to dumb it down a bit, you know, keep things interesting.

Listen, a girl can have her spiritual game tight, her Brooklyn backpack rapper game tight, possess knowledge wisdom understanding/like King Solomon's wealth, and like to lounge around in a bikini. We can vote and wear pants these days, too.




mp3.